Somewhere in the depths of Silicon Valley—not far from Sand Hill Road—there’s a Monday morning mastermind group of tech CEOs who practice poor corporate behavior.
The sessions are led by a well known executive coach, who facilitates the discussion as each CEO updates their colleagues on their most recent conquests.
“We exclusively hire Stanford MBAs now,” one CEO boasts.
“We reduced churn by requiring a phone call to cancel your subscription,” another quips. “We saved so much last month, I bought my daughter a new Tesla Roadster with the profits. She’s only 11 now, but I wanted to keep the value of my Tesla shares moving in the right direction.
Towards the end of the session, the room suddenly quiets for a familiar ritual. The CEOs shift in their chairs, glancing quickly at their iPhones in the discomfort of the silence.
“It’s time to be vulnerable,” the executive coach hushes, his voice barely above a whisper. “It’s OK, you’re amongst peers now—you’re all massive successes in your own right. What are we not feeling so good about lately?”
A brave CEO steps up.
“I’m really getting some severe criticism on Twitter,” the brave soul says. “Cancel culture, man! The haters are saying our business stands for nothing but profits.”
“Well your pretty damned good at making those!” boasts one of the other CEOs.
The CEOs quiet down, snickering knowingly at one another, as the executive coach’s eyes come alive. He steps towards the brave CEO… in this moment he knows exactly what to do.
Taking the padding of the CEO’s hands gently between his forefingers and thumbs, he looks him dead in the eye.
“Don’t let the haters get you down, Brian. They’re just jealous of your financial success!”
Relief quickly washes over Brian’s face, as the other CEOs nod knowingly at one another.
“That must be it. All criticism comes from envy.”
Pleased with themselves for another week, the CEOs forget to discard of their half drank oat milk lattes as they disappear out into the fog of another Monday morning…